Update on same sex marriages

Writing to the Diocesan Clergy in their monthly newsletter, Bishop Mathes has tweaked the policy regarding same sex marriages in the Episcopal Diocese of San Diego.  There are now no differences in how same sex and opposite sex couples are treated.

It has now been one year since the Supreme Court opened the way for same-sex marriage in California. In the wake of that decision, lower courts have been striking down an array of state prohibitions and barriers to same-sex marriage. As you know, through a provision provided by General Convention 2009, I permitted first blessings of same-sex couples and, after the Supreme Court's actions, same-sex marriage. At the time, I issued guidelines for you to follow.  

While we remain in a provisional time when our canons have not fully caught up to what I believe is an intersection of the movement of the spirit and the understanding of the people, it seems that now is the time to remove any distinction between same-sex marriage and other marriages. From this date forward, please simply follow the canonical requirements for marriage regardless of the gender of the couple. As part of good practices of collaborative leadership, I encourage you to consult with your vestry before moving forward with same-sex blessings and marriage. You will additionally be well-served by congregational conversation and discernment about same-sex relationship, blessing, and marriage because as you well know, vestry consultation and congregational education are wise whenever you consider significant changes in the congregation. At the risk of stating the obvious, permit me to underscore that in all cases you must determine if there have been previous marriages and if so, follow the procedures I have outlined on our website. 

In closing, I want to acknowledge that while the overwhelming majority of the people of our diocese now affirm same-sex marriage, there remain those who thoughtfully disagree with this change. We all must honor their disagreement. Rest assured no clergy person will ever be compelled to perform any marriage that the cleric feels is not appropriate, for any reason.

 Thank you Bishop Mathes!

But where was the conversation?

I was part of the multitude from St.Paul's that attended the "conversation" [2 1/2 hours, would you believe!] about gay marriage at the Skyline Church last week.  There were, indeed, thousands in attendance -- and the conversation was respectful.  Thinking about it today, I'm struck with the almost diametrically opposed perspectives that were highlighted.  Both of the opponents to gay marriage (indeed, gay relationships of any kind) hammered away with biblical proof-texts and scientific studies (or, "studies" as the case may be); and didn't really acknowledge that actual human relationships might be involved.  Bishop Gene Robinson and John Corvino, on the other hand, focused almost entirely on the values that marriage can bring to gay relationships and to society as a whole; and emphasized that the biblical world-view supporting slavery, women as chattel, death for purity-code violations, etc. have all been abandoned or adjusted as society has evolved and that gay marriage shouldn't be held in an "untouchable" class by itself -- especially since the biblical basis for homophobic strictures is so weak. 

I'd really hoped that there might be an actual conversation -- and Gene and Jon really tried; but, all I heard from the other side was the kind of hammering with proof-texts that drove me out of the evangelical tradition 50 years ago -- now, it's just dressed up with better academic credentials.  ... enough of that rant.

Bob Holt

Skyline event: by their fruits you will know them

Last Sunday, Pastor Jim Garlow at Skyline Church in La Mesa invited 4 speakers to address the issue of gay marriage. Bishop Gene Robinson and and Dr. John Corvino spoke in support of it, and Dr. Rob Gagnon and Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, spoke against it.   

  As a society, we are more comfortable with and accepting of, violence, death, war than with sexuality. We are totally conflicted about sex.  Sex deals with the affirmation of life.  Our values are all upside down!    

What is Homosexuality? A sexual relationship between 2 consenting adults (not so scary).  What is marriage? A public, legal commitment between 2 adult persons to mutually love, honor, cherish each other. Committed, stable relationships are good for the individuals as well as for society. As Gene Robinson said, homosexual persons do not want to redefine marriage, they only want to be able to participate in it.

History: All the theological arguments used against homosexual marriage were used against interracial marriage. God did not mean for the races to mix - It was “un-natural” and would ruin the natural order of things And the whole world would come to ruin.

An example of this was given at the end of our forum, which I personally found to be very shocking and insulting - It was implied by Dr. Gagnon that if society accepts homosexual marriage, the next thing that will be approved will be incest and polygamy.   In fact, incest (see history of English Kings) and polygamy (see old testament) have existed for eons, and exist even now Before homosexual marriage has been approved, So we can’t blame homosexual persons for incest or polygamy.

Re: Argument by Dr. Jennifer Morse that it would redefine "natural" relationships, and cause enormous bureaucratic work to change all paperwork to non-gender specification. The same could be said when slavery was abolished and slaves were redefined as persons - Or women were given voting rights, protection against domestic violence, the right to divorce, custody rights, inheritance rights, credit, etc. Or African Americans given civil rights. "Natural" relationships, rights were indeed re-defined and all outmoded paperwork, updated.  

Re: attaching rights to non-biological parents and changing “natural parent” classification To “legal parent” Does this not already happen with foster children, Adoptions, and step parents?

Rob G talked about Jesus intensifying sexual ethics What does this say about his mother, Mary? Mary was certainly the exception to sexual laws of her day. She was a single pregnant teenager who could have easily been stoned to death in her society - (as is still happening today in parts of the world)       Suffice it to say, that Jesus would have been Born outside of wedlock, except that Joseph agreed to marry Jesus’ mother and thus became step father to Jesus. Sounds pretty radical in the patriarchal society of that day. (not so much today)   

Mysteries: what was relationship between two women Ruth and Naomi - Ruth's words of love to Naomi are today perceived as one of the most beautiful and profound pledges of love and are used in heterosexual wedding ceremonies – King David and Jonathan -  Jesus and His “Beloved disciple” -  What are we to make of these relationships?  Some suggest that Jesus was the groom when he turned water into wine, because it was up to the groom to provide the wine….  

 What I heard tonight was a lot of legalism - But, Jesus was not a legalist - In fact, Christ was a radical pacifist, That challenged all the accepted mores Of his culture - He turned them upside down -       He rejected legalism and violence In favor of love, compassion, mercy, equity. He transcended boundaries of race, ethnicity Gender, class, age, custom, etc.  

Somehow the church has lost its bearings - It proclaims Christ Yet breaks and ignores his commandments On every level - most shockingly in the areas of life and death .  In the past, if you asked Christian parents, what would be worse if your child came and told you they had joined the military or if your child said they had been sexually active. most parents would angrily say it was worse for a child to be sexually active.

Finally, I do agree with Rob G. That perhaps God is performing a re-alignment of the church A new Reformation -The same as happened during the abolition of slavery, Equal, civil and voting rights for African Americans, women, And other oppressed, marginal groups.   The churches split back then also.     How is one to determine which side to choose? Jesus said by their fruits you will know them.     Love, Equity, Compassion, Justice, Mercy, Just to mention a few

How are we to live?

Love God, self, neighbor and enemy.

Treat others the way we want to be treated. 

Everything we do to others, we do onto God/Christ. 

Anita Wucinic-Turner 


We'll be publishing more thoughts about the Skyline event over the next few days (to read them all, click here).

More reports about the Skyline event

Susan Hulbert writes:

Skyline church asked for no applause or outbursts and said they had a "friendship committee" that would escort violators out. Most people kept to this. Rob Gagnon with degrees from Dartmouth and Harvard wowed the crowd at the church with his scriptural juxtapositions of Jesus words and Old Testament prohibitions to argue that Jesus was against homosexuality--very weak. He also harped on incest, polygamy, bestiality etc-and kept putting all of them on equal ground with homosexuality in terms of behavior condemned in the Bible. Jennifer Roback Morse used a lot of the Prop 8 proponent arguments about the need to protect traditional marriage to protect children, women and society generally (a weak argument).

Bishop Robinson and John Corvino focused more on why gay marriage actually protects society and creates strong relationships. Bishop Robinson also talked about his own struggles with his sexuality and his first marriage and his fidelity to it. I think their recounting of their own personal experiences and journeys were much more effective than the reliance on so called academic arguments--but then we were biased.

And that minister at Skyline deserves credit for opening a dialogue and keeping it civil.... We learned a lot.

 Ben Hulbert live blogged via Facebook,

Two hours in, and the only two people that are making any sense are Bishop Gene Robinson and Dr. John Corvino (both homosexual, defending gay marriage). The opposing two "doctors" are using big words to explain al point that doesn't exist. The bishop and Corvino are giving examples from their past experiences as a homosexual, while the two opponents giving biblical and historical example that have absolutely no proof or support….in other words, we're winning!

Jonathan Abernethy-Deppe reports on the contingent from St Paul in the Desert who came all the way from Palm Springs for the event

It was a thrill to see the support of so many Episcopalians in attendance. Because of the sense of community amongst us, we made an important witness in the midst of the gathering. Bishop Gene was ever his usual gracious self, but he never gave in to the bullying. He was always a positive witness.

 It was startling to be greeted by security and then behavior guidelines which were announced for the audience. It was interesting in the course of the evening to discover that it was probably in response to perceived or real threats from criticism for hosting this civil dialogue. As Pastor Jim Garlow said, probably no one's position was changed. It was a model for dialogues between opposite sides.

Photos from Hannah

Fearless Love: a report from Skyline Church

I commend Skyline Church for holding this conversation and for inviting the Rt. Rev. Gene Robinson, Episcopal bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire, and not the latest RuPaul look alike. Bishop Robinson had broad support in the audience, thanks to many Episcopalians who made the trip to La Mesa, including some from as far away as St. Paul in-the-Desert, Palm Springs. A few wore Tshirts that said "Fearless Love" with the new diocesan logo.

When the so-called moderator introduced Bishop Robinson, there was an outburst of applause, so I knew there were plenty of supporters in the audience. He spoke from the heart, and he spoke calmly and with conviction. He was warm and funny. All this in stark contrast to the two who spoke against gay marriage: Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse and Dr. Robert Gagnon. Dr. Gagnon gave a steamroller-style presentation supported by a PowerPoint with detailed analysis of what Jesus said about homosexuality, or rather what he extrapolated from Jesus' statements about marriage. Dr. Morse spoke about the harm that would befall society if gay marriage is allowed. These arguments were not new or interesting.

What I found interesting, and irritating, is that the so-called moderator kept interrupting Dr. John Corvino, who is an out, gay man speaking in favor of gay marriage alongside Bishop Robinson. The moderator was the lead pastor of Skyline Church, Jim Garlow. He should not have even attempted to moderate the conversation. He did allow the Rev. Canon Allisyn Thomas to moderate once he recognized that he was really advocating for a position, and not a fair-minded moderator. It bothered me that he was so unaware of his own actions.

One of the most powerful moments was when Bishop Robinson, in replying to a query from the anti-gay marriage speakers about Biblical texts, said that although he agreed that all Biblical texts about homosexuality are negative, it was Scripture that saved his life because he would have put a gun to his head had he not heard God's voice saying to him, "You are my beloved. In you I am well-pleased." Bishop Robinson knew that he was loved by God in spite of what his conservative, homophobic, small-town, Kentucky church told him about homosexuality. A burst of applause from the audience when he finished telling this story punctuated his point.

A fair amount of humor peppered the otherwise tense conversation. It was interesting to sit in the huge, warehouse-like sanctuary with my partner, Kathy, and to know that we were sitting right next to people who were opposed to gay marriage. Not a comfortable experience, but a good one, because it means that we can all be in one room together and discuss this hot topic without coming to blows.

Kudos to Skyline. Huge love and thanks to Bishop Robinson. My favorite picture is to the right!

Hannah Wilder

We'll be publishing more thoughts about the Skyline event over the week (to read them all, click here).

Wedding gifts, wedding blessings

Marriage is on our mind this week. There's the upcoming "Conversation on Marriage" at Skyline Church this Sunday, and a new 9am Forum Series asking "What makes long lasting relationships?" aimed at those in same-sex pr heterosexual relationship.  This series is led by Dr. Marjorie Coburn, a clinical psychologist. The first forum on Sunday August 5th at 9am will feature the Rev. Canon Allisyn Thomas, who will discuss the recently approved Liturgy for Blessing the Unions of Same-Sex Couples.  À propos of both these events, here's a reflection which appeared on the Friends of Jake blog last week.  Cross posted with permission.

Last week the Episcopal Church passed an approved, if provisional liturgy for The Witnessing and Blessing of a Lifelong Covenant. Predictably much uproar ensued. Is it a marriage rite? (no.) Will straight people use it? (not likely—there are already BCP liturgies for marriage, and for blessing of a civil marriage, which remain officially off-limits for LGBT people). In the comments to some posts, several couples of long standing were insulted. If we’ve been together 20+ years, seemed the theme, why on earth would I do this now?  If it's not even "real"?

Coincidentally, BP and I were at a (non-church) event last week where we met an out, gay man, M., who has been with his partner 27 years. The host genially barraged M, saying “you live in New York! You can get married!”  M. was modestly annoyed at this. “Why would we get married NOW?” he asked. “That would just insult the years we've had--as if they weren’t real.”

Now, I’ve gone on numerous times here about why I believe there should ultimately be one marriage rite (you can read my commentary and links here). But in this post, I want to ignore that, and address the common theme between these two responses: “Why should I do this now? If marriage is a covenant between two people, I have already done that.”

Yup, you have! And so did my wife BP and I, when we exchanged rings privately. Our hearts were sealed together at that moment.

But we also took advantage of marrying, when it became (briefly) legal in California, and we took advantage of the blessing, when our Bishop allowed that possibility. I’ve told you about both events (here and here). While neither of these events changed our hearts towards each other, they nevertheless were very important to our relationship, and they shared something in common.

Both our wedding, and subsequent blessing, put our relationship into the context of community. Each turned out to be a profound and moving gift to us. And that’s what we told M., as we explained why he might want to marry.

No man is an island unto himself, wrote John Donne, and neither is a marriage. The whole concept exists within a culture and community. When the window to marry opened in CA, we said to each other, “this is complicated (because of DOMA) and it may even be taken away (because of the pending Prop8). It’s not like a straight marriage in those regards. It's not the full thing itself. But we need to take the opportunities given. If we don’t seize the opportunity, and show how much this matters, there won’t be progress.” It seemed very rational.

We of course discovered that in every important way, it WAS and IS marriage, and we were lifted by it far more than we would have expected ahead of time. After all, we had already made that commitment. But our wedding was a chance to celebrate our relationship with friends and family, making public what had been private. They held us up in joy, and welcomed us to the broader community. That feeling of being held up was palpable. Amazing.  It meant so much more than we could have imagined.

And we found, two and a half years later, that our blessing was much more than a blessing of our marriage.  It didn't matter that we couldn’t use a BCP liturgy for our blessing.  It was, as I told you before, as much our Cathedral community claiming us and our marriage, as it was us claiming a blessing from them. Again, a palpable feeling. To become a gift is even greater than receiving one.

It’s no coincidence, then, that the title of the SCLM resources is “I Will Bless You, and You Will Be a Blessing".

Marriage and blessing is not for us, the couple. It is for us, the community. It is a giving to us, and in return the giving of us.

Yes, I understand that there may be legal as well as philosophical reasons why many LGBT people may choose not to marry legally. Many will prefer not to engage with the current liturgy because it’s not officially marriage. And, of course, many couples have had commitment ceremonies or blessings already—they are already beyond this. Everyone has the choice to make.

But… I want you to consider that by engaging the new rite, it becomes marriage. I can’t think of any LGBT couple who would undergo a blessing service for whom it is NOT personally a marriage covenant, regardless of legal technicalities, and I’ll guarantee you the people witnessing it will consider it the same.

And so we were married. And we were, and are, blessed. And both of these were, and are, astonishing gifts not only to us, but of us.

Be a gift.

Support marriage equality and Bishop Gene Robinson!

Pastor Jim Garlow at Skyline Church was a major supporter of Prop8. His church is sponsoring a "conversation on marriage" with prominent anti-equality voices Jennifer Roback Morse (NOM, The Ruth Institute) and Robert Gagnon.

 Representing equality are John Corvino and none other than our friend Bishop Gene Robinson,  who have agreed to join the conversation, to be held at Skyline next week (6pm on Sunday July 29th).

Please join us attending this event in making a powerful witness for equality. Pastor Garlow has asked his crowd to be respectful of alternative points of view, and we ask the same. Remember, many of these people have never met LGBT people of faith. Let's go show them who we are!  This is an opportunity to build bridges and change hearts.  


A carpool will leave from SPC at 4.45 on Sunday.

 Contact Canon Chris Harris for more information (harrisc@stpaulcathedral.org).

Traditional Values

In the wake of the Prop8 decision this week, The Rev Susan Russell of All Saints Pasadena saw this correlation between the Constitution and the BCP.

Faith Leaders' statement on Prop8 decision

The Rev. Canon Albert Ogle spoke at the Prop8 celebratory rally on Wednesday, representing St Paul's, The California Council of Churches Impact and California Faith For Equality.

We are part of a statewide movement of 6,000 faith leaders who support marriage equality. Today’s decision, wonderful as it is, will be appealed to higher courts. So we all still face an intolerable delay and further obstacles to implement inclusive values that are core to our understanding of what it means to be human and beloved by God. We are here today because we believe in the full inclusion of the LGBT community the life of our faith traditions, particularly to all couples who come to us seeking God’s blessing and the blessing of their community.

Yet, without access to a State license, clergy are now still obliged to exclude same gender couples from the sacrament of marriage (and therefore the full life of the congregation) and to treat members of the community, whom we believe are created equal in the eyes of God, as unequal. For some of us, this practice contravenes the deepest core of our religious values and we must end this state-sponsored apartheid.

As Americans, Our Federal Constitution guarantees the separation of church and State and today’s decision is a victory for our justice system and that the rights of a minority cannot be stripped away by the majority. Judge Vaughn Walker’s ruling also demonstrates the success of the Olsen Boies team in presenting the facts that there is no rational basis for withholding a marriage license to LGBT couples and that heterosexual and same gender couples are capable of creating healthy and productive marriages and families alike.

We are learning many things from this difficult and divisive issue: The day to day conversations with families, co-workers and neighbors that have been carried out by many of us and the organizations we support, are clearly bearing fruit. Here is some good news to share on the road to equality since the passage of Proposition 8 in 2008.

• Only 1 in 5 Californians believe the passage of Prop 8 was a good thing for the state.
• If a similar vote were taken today, 51% of Californian would vote to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry.
• A recent poll found that nearly 58% of Californians agree that we should apply the Golden Rule (do unto others as you have them do unto you) to the issue same sex marriage....gay and lesbian couples should have the same opportunity to get married as everyone else.

We cannot rely on the courts alone to ensure marriage equality becomes a reality. Inspired by this decision, the day-to-day work of “coming out” and pressing for full inclusion and equality in the “Court of public opinion and experience” must go on so we to raise these encouraging percentage points even more.

Judge Vaughn Walker’s decision also points to the work we, as a faith community, still have to do with those who differ from us. It is troubling when the bastions of homophobia hide behind misinterpreted biblical texts and unscientific data to undermine our dignity and place in society.

Were it not for religious organizations pouring millions of dollars into the Proposition 8 campaign, I believe we would continue to have marriage equality in CA. At some point, as a religious community, we will all find a way to publically apologize to the LGBT community for the lies, misinformation and in some cases, the illegal activity that characterized part of this historic struggle for justice and truth. Judge Walker’s decision is also a victory for democracy over theocracy as this country still struggles with how we share power, authority and responsibility with each other. As people of faith, we respect those whose faith traditions differ from ours on the issue of same gender marriage. We invite them now to stand with us as fellow Americans and to put aside the rancor that has divided us during this long and difficult campaign as we work together to make a better California for ALL families.

As people of faith, we pray that the witness of our relationships will continue to change hearts and minds and to finally heal the wounds that have demonized us and divided us on the issue of marriage equality. This is difficult and time-consuming work. It also costs money and our ultimate victory will depend on how much commitment each of us can bring to these conversations from the streets and pews, in our workplaces right up to the Supreme Court of this land. These important conversations need to deepen, not end and today’s inspiring decision should not create a false sense of security that our work is over. We are proud to be here today. We are very proud of you. This has been a tough road and the journey to equality is not over yet. We are honored to be your clergy and to be a part of this great San Diegan and Statewide coalition. Thank you.

Photo: The Cathedral Contingent at the celebratory march

For videos of the events, including part of this speech, 10news has good coverage here and here
Video of the whole march here.

News from Massachusetts

From The Lead at Episcopal Café:

Starting Advent 1, clergy of the Diocese of Massachusetts are being given leave by Bishop Thomas Shaw to solemnize same-gender marriages for eligible couples.

In a letter posted to the blog Telling Secrets, Bishop Shaw clarifies:

Solemnization, in accordance with Massachusetts law, includes hearing the declaration of consent, pronouncing the marriage and signing the marriage certificate. This provision for generous pastoral response is an allowance and not a requirement; any member of the clergy may decline to solemnize any marriage.

Massachusetts clergy are not permitted to use the Prayer Book (in which marriage is described as "the union of husband and wife"), but, in keeping with resolution C056 from this summer's General Convention, are instead encouraged to use other liturgical resources. (That same legislation called on "bishops, particularly those in dioceses within civil jurisdictions where same-gender marriage, civil unions, or domestic partnerships are legal, [to] provide generous pastoral response to meet the needs of members.")

Otherwise it's business as usual for clergy navigating rules for officiating at marriage services: Shaw notes, "We request that our clergy follow as they ordinarily would the other canonical requirements for marriage and remarriage."